Ava broke her leg the week of her 1st birthday. So we figured that it would take her some time to get moving. Aubrie (bib sis)didn't walk until 16 months but was crawling by 10 months or so. Ava had no interest to even move before she broker her leg or after. That wasn't such a bad thing as I juggle working full time, being a mom and wife full time and taking care of a house full time. So even though I knew Ava was a little delayed I didn't think much about it. It wasn't until about August that the cast came off Ava's leg and she still had no interest to really move. By September she had started to do a backwards scoot and by October she was twirling around in a butt scoot to get to things. At this point we knew the kind of movements she was doing were not up to speed of where she should be and so my mom suggested meeting with the school district to start Physical Therapy to help get her on track. Ava qualified right away for therapy but the school district wanted us to get her checked out with the doctor to rule out anything medical that could be a problem. So I made the appt. with our doctor…both kids having an appointment at the same time and needless to say it was not short and not easy. The doctor told me that he was not sure what Ava could have and it could by some kind of Hypotonia but again not sure and that he was referring us to Gilette Childrens to see a neurologist because they are the best and that is where he would want his kids to be seen.
So fast forward 1 month to Tuesday December 17th. We met with an amazing Neurologist at Gilette Children's for over and hour. She was so thorough and played with Ava talked to us and decided that there is nothing dramatic enough to tell us Ava's delay in walking/bearing weight on her legs is because of "A B or C". She stated that she thinks Ava may need Physical Therapy 2-3 times / week and that we need to do an MRI. The MRI will be of her brain and spine and then an x-ray of her hips and blood work. That appt. is set for Jan. 2nd. We will then follow up with the doctor on Jan. 7th to decipher what exactly she thinks Ava has or be refereed out from there.
The best part is that we are being proactive and figuring out what is going on. The worst part is that right now I don't know what is going on and have to weight and that can be exhausting, draining,etc.
I am really trying not to worry right now as why worry when I don't know what it is. However, the mom in me worries that my baby girl may not be able to walk and explore life "normally" her normal may be different from everyone else. If that is the case it will be ok and we will figure it out. It is just the emotions of the hopes and dreams you have for your kids and the reality that it may be totally different than anything you ever expected for them.
Then the thought crosses my mind, God why are you doing this to us? Haven't we beared enough with the loss of babies and the difficulty that loss brought to life? My dear friend Natalie reminded me that it is so hard to not think like this, " Well I lost a child so I should be exempt from there being anything wrong with my other kids." However I don't get a "Get out of Jail Free" card. My child may have something the matter with her little legs and the pain I have gone through in my life already has no place here. But why is God giving us more? Am I really that strong that I can deal with a child that could possibly have a handicap? (I know that sounds just awful but these are real feelings I have. So if you are offended you can quit reading. This blog is called "My life as it is" for a reason.) Haven' I hit my limit in life of all I can handle when it comes to my children? I truly believe God doesn't give you more than you can handle….so I guess I am one tough cookie! right?
So…in conclusion (I feel like I am writing a college essay all of a sudden) I wait….thankfully it is Christmas time and we are busy with the Holidays and everything that entails. Thankfully I have an amazing support system of people that love me and pray for me and most of all Ava. I truly feel like I have had so much peace with all of this so far because people are praying for me. I am not one to over spiritualize anything but for one of the first times in my life I truly feel like I can feel peoples prayers and have so much more peace than just doing this on my own. Now that doesn't mean I don't have emotions/questions and frustrations with all of this. I just feel an all over more peacefulness about it than I myself probably would have.
