Happy New Year

We are having a party on New Year's Eve again this year. It should be fun! Happy New Year!

My Best Friend HOME FOR CHRISTMAS!!!!!!

Hooray! Bethany comes home on Sunday! I can't wait to see her!

I am getting the BEST Christmas Present EVER!!!!

We had dinner at the Sample Room last night in Northeast Minneapolis with Luke's family. Great place...a must try!

Dear Mom...

Thanks for dinner tonight it was nummy! I am glad I am working in Maple Grove now so I can come over more. LOVE YOU!

**I recently found out that my mom is a blog stalker!** :)

Ana and I need to know........

How do you upload pictures quicker!!! Does anyone think it takes forever to upload pics to your blog!?

Here are some pics. from Thanksgiving Night at the Outlet Mall.......The gang was: Me, Luke, Sari, Ryan, Abby, Charlie and Jill. We had a great time and everyone got great deals!

Cousin fun!

Our trip to Burger King at 12:30am!

The dorky hat that Jill loved.

No I am not drunk, just exhausted from a long Thanksgiving day.

Favorite Things at Christmas

Real or Fake Tree: Fake - much easier. I love the smell of real, but let's face it. It is A LOT less work to have a fake tree.

Hardest Person to buy for-Luke, I just never know what to get him.

Mail or Email Christmas Cards- Mail for sure. I love collecting them and reading peoples letters and looking at family pictures.

Favorite Christmas Movie or Show - White Christmas. I used to even watch this when I was little and it wasn't Christmas time. I always wanted to wear one of those big red dresses and have a white muff......I should have lived in a different era.

Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate - I don't dislike Egg Nog, but I LOVE HOT CHOCOLATE!

When do you start shopping for Christmas - Well usually after Thanksgiving, but this year it will probably be the week of Christmas. I have been so busy at work and our weekends are jam packed too.

Clear Christmas light or colored - Clear for the fancy tree in the living room and colored for the fun ornaments tree in the basement. Oh, the traditions we carry on from our parents :)

Favorite Hymn - Silent Night (is that a hymn?)

Most vivid memory of Christmas - When I lived in Brooklyn Park we had a real fireplace. I cam down to get my stocking on Christmas morning and they was a real boot print in the ashes in the fireplace. I knew then Santa was really real! :)

Best Holiday Treat - any type of Christmas cookie! I love cookies!

Favorite CD or Artists - Mariah Carey's "All I want for Christmas is You" song and her whole Christmas CD

Must-Have's - A time where I play Christmas carol's on the piano.

Star or Angel on the top of the tree - Angel....however I have a really nice star my sister gave me, but I use it as more of a decoration for Christmas.

Quirk that most people wouldn't know - In my car I have on Christmas music from Thanksgiving through Christmas Day.

What's on your wish list this year - a Necklace I like at a certain Jewelry store!

Snow

I couldn't wait to get home and get outside to shovel. I know that seems a bit ridiculous to most, but I LOVE the snow and like being outside playing in the snow. Even my dogs get excited to play out in the snow. Big snowfalls remind me of spending time with my dad. He always let me come outside and shovel with him. I used the tiny little red shovel that scooped about 2 cups of snow at a time. Then we would always end up playing in the snow. Good memories. I love snow!

My Mess

My friend Suzy wrote a great blog about the messes we have in our lives and being there for each other. I have been trying to hide my mess for the last couple of weeks because it is too painful to deal with. I find that if I don't have to talk to anyone about it or email anyone, then I don't have to think about it and it isn't as much of a reality.

The week before Thanksgiving we went to the UofM Maternal Fetal clinic and met with a Genetic Counselor and Dr. there. The Genetic Counselor thinks that Luke and I carry this gene that no one knows anything about, that is why we haven't been able to have a healthy baby. They believe it to be a recessive gene in us, and that it wouldn't matter if we have a boy or girl, both sexes would be affected by Anencephaly. They gave us a 1 out of 4 chance of us being able to have a healthy baby. They told us that our best options would be Adoption, Sperm or Egg donation.

Those options may be easy for other people, but for me they are not. They are very hard and make me sad. I realized that I am mourning the fact right now that we can't just "have a baby". It isn't that easy for us and that is hard and sad for me. I love my husband and we desire to have children or both of us. For some people that is hard to understand, but it make sense to us.

We realized that we are not ready for either option, Adoption or Egg Donation yet, so we are going to try 1 more time.

I am on folic acid for 1 month and then the Dr. is going to test me and see if my body is metabolizing Folic Acid. If it is not, then they will put me on a different kind and see if that helps. If I do have folic acid in my system, then they are more sure that it is a recessive gene that we carry. Anencephaly is such a rare thing that no one really knows much about it. Unfortunately the news the Dr.'s gave us at the UofM didn't sound that promising in us having a healthy baby. However, something in me doesn't want to give up yet. I feel like we need to give it 1 more shot. Maybe that is God telling me to hang in there, I don't know. But even after all our loss there is a little hope left in my heart.

The thought of losing a baby for the 4th time breaks my heart. But the thought of just not knowing if we gave it 1 more shot, that would haunt me as well.

So I have to be on folic acid for at least 3 months before we even can start trying. So we will see what happens. I am just praying that the 4th time around will be a charm. We'll see.