Wednesday, Oct. 15
At about 2pm or so I spoke to my doctor that day, I found out that I am having to go in for the next 3 weeks in a row to get my blood drawn and then every month for the next 6 months. On my way home from work on Wed. I was rearended on 169 north. I had neck pain immediately so I headed straight to my dads office. (My dad is a Chiropractor for those of you who don't know)

I thankfully gave myself enough room and didn't hit the car infront of me. I have little damage to my car, so that is good, but I do have a neck ache still today.


I was just emotionally and mentally exhausted on Wed. when I got home. I ate dinner, took my dogs on a nice long walk while I cried practically the whole way! (Good thing it was dark out so none of my neighbors could see me crying!) Then I crawled into bed to try and sleep. I have been having trouble falling asleep lately, but I think after the day I had, I was so exhausted I was practically out cold when my head hit the pillow.

Ok, so you are probably wondering what my doctor had to say. I really don't feel like sharing ALL the details, but the type of pregnancy I had, a baby cannot live, therefore the baby died. Now, because of the type of pregnancy they need to monitor a certain hormone to make sure it goes down to a negative level. Once it is negative they need to see the level there for at least 6 months before we can start trying again. This was a shock to me, because I was hoping we could start trying sooner than that. If everything happens right away, me being at a negative level now and then getting pregnant the first month we start trying, I will still probably be 28 by the time my next kid comes.

How do I feel about this you ask? Well, It is REALLY hard. Most all of our friends have kids already or are trying right now to have kids (well except Kurbis and Bethany, but they are heading back to Africa soon again). So where does that leave Luke and I? In our late 20's with no kid and 2 dogs........Don't get me wrong...I have a great life. I have a BEAUTIFUL home and a WONDERFUL family and a LOVING WONDERFUL husband. BUT........I feel like this just seperates us from people who are at a different place in life. We can't understand the parenting aspect yet, not getting any sleep because your kid wakes up every night, having to adjust to life with a kid and how that works, or even the exciting things that you get to do when you have a baby, like the 1st trip to the Apple Orchard, the first Thanksgiving, 1st pictures. So......that is where we are for now I guess and need ot accept it.

After an evening with family last night (Sunday the 19th) we hung out with my sister and Ryan. I am SO thankful for them. We are able to have such a great time with them, but be serious as well. Who would have thunk back in the day when I couldn't stand my sister that now she would be my best friend!