My life as it is....For Real!

I have been debating on whether or not to post this blog. The title of my blog is, "My life as it is..." but sometimes I don't divulge on my life exactly how it really is. At times, it is too hard to truly share the emotions that run through my mind and that consume my day at times.

Last Saturday, the day of the wedding I thought I was getting the dreaded "PERIOD!"

Little did I know that is NOT what it was. Well I am 90% sure that is Not what it was. I am pretty sure that I had a miscarriage after some events that took place on Sunday. We were not trying, but not being very careful either for a couple of months. After that happened last week, it just shook my world. I was NOT myself at all the whole week. I was SO extremely exhausted and depressed. I barely could pull myself out of bed in the morning. One morning I even went as far as not going into work until noon because I was so exhausted, felt like crap and depressed. I pulled myself into work with a horrible head ache and just wanted to cry.

I am not sharing this piece of information with you so that you feel bad for me or tell me you are sorry. The reason I share this is because I like people to know what is really going on in my life. I like to be real with my friends. For those of you who know me I usually divulge too much information!

So not only did I have that happen to me last week, but Luke and I finally realized the pain after a year of losing about $20,000 income from changing jobs. We are on a strict budget and cannot extend ourselves by purchasing anything unnecessary. We are not allowed to go out to eat, by lunches, buy coffee(which will be torture for me), buy anything extra or not needed. I am going to try and keep us on this budget for 6 months. I will probably be cancelling our home phone service as well. The thing that is killing us right now is gas and groceries. For example, Luke and I figured out that we spend almost $1000 a month on gas between the 2 of us! That is just ridiculous. But you have to do what you have to do to get to your job. Also, groceries seem to be going up weekly I fell like, OK, maybe just dog food. A 20 lb. bag of dog food used to cost me just over $15, last week when I went to pick up a 20lb. bag of Iams, it cost me $19.99....and I don't even think we have seen the full affect of gas prices yet on the things we consume! What this also means to me is that we will not be able to start trying for kids when I thought we were going to. Luke and I do need to be smart about it and be financially stable before we bring a child into the picture. Yes, I know that a lot of people aren't expecting babies and make it work some how, but if I can work at getting my financial situation more under control before kids, that is what I want to try to do. So sorry Sari, I may be preggers when you get married....j/k!

Luke and I had storm damage from the storm that came through on Memorial Day weekend...hail damage. Well on Saturday night we came home from getting caught at Friendly Days in the storm to all the shakes ripped off the front of our house lying in our neighbors yard.....one more head ache! Thank goodness for insurance!

Last but not least to add to my frustration, anxiety and depression, I had gone into the doctor in regards to a lumpy area in my breast. She then sent me on to a Breast surgeon. So you can imagine the thoughts going through a woman's mind when she doesn't know what the heck is going on! I was thankful to find out that I am at a low risk for breast cancer. The sore spot in my breast is probably from the hormonal changes my body went through from being pregnant, delivery and then being on birth control. I was educated be the surgeon, she told me that the longer you menstruate in your life, the more at risk you are for breast cancer. Exercising 3 times a week for at least 30 minutes decreases your chance for breast cancer, so anything over that is a bonus! Also, if you drink more than 20 glasses of alcohol a week it increases your chance for breast cancer.


With all that said, a lot has happened in the last week and a lot that makes my mind go crazy! I am thankful to know that I have a loving God who is with me and protects me. And I am thankful for a loving husband who is there for me and understands me, well some of the time understands me.....you know.......we all have our crazy moments :)

So rather than a sorry, just say a little prayer for Luke and I that God will keep our spirits up and guide us through some difficult times.

As for today...........it is a great day! I got up, put on a cute dress to wear to work and was ready for the day ahead of me. As my Papa says, "One day at a time!"