For Jill

I received an email today from Jill (my sista's BFF) that I need to update my blog so she has something to do.

I have sat down at my computer numerous times trying to write. I think I have about 4 drafts that I haven't completed. Why? Because right now it is hard. Until I know either everything is ok, or not ok, I feel like I have so much to say and yet nothing to say at all.

It is hard to talk about being excited about thing like, the little onesie that Ana bought us that says, "Does my butt look big in this diaper?" or the crazy dreams I have about Luke and I having our kid, but it was actually a doll sewn out of different pieces of cloth and then he lost it, or the fact that I can't eat anything anymore without feeling sick afterwards, and the fact that I want to be so excited right now, but just don't want to talk about anything because what if it is all taken away so quickly like last time. That is my fear. Deep down in my heart of hearts I feel like everything will be ok, but there is still that fear from last time as well that just isn't sure it will all be ok.

I am not trying to be all depressed about it, because I am not. That is just honestly how I feel. So until after Wed. that is all. Please keep us in your prayers!

Thanks.