This is probably just way too much info....but I don't know what to do and am SO frustrated.
I have been on B.C. since I lost little angel #2. However....I have been having my "friend" every other week sine before Christmas! It is SO frustrating. I am going to call my OB tomorrow, but what the HECK is going on! After talking to my mom tonight she said that maybe I should just go off of the pill. I thought, yeah, maybe I should.....But then I sit here as tears well up in my eyes scared out of my mind.
It was easy starting to try for #2 because in my mind nothing bad was going to happen again. But now, after everything we have been through, I don't know if I can handle much more. Just the mere thought of becoming pregnant and the unknowns for Luke and I scares the crap out of me.
I want to start a family more than anything. But is now the time? And with that comes so many scary things in my mind.
I also think about great things too....like how I had so much fun with Ben on Saturday and that someday I will have a little guy or girl of my own to laugh with and take pictures of and read books to. But the uncertainty of putting something out there again to be taken away and feel heart ache and pain weighs so heavy on my heart.
So I guess my hope and prayer is that I will have peace if we are supposed to start trying.
And about my "friend" every other week........that is what is TMI for everyone to know :)
My Family
2 comments:
I wish I was there right now to give you a big hug. I want so so so much happiness for you.
I actually surprised myself last night waking up from a dream crying where in my dream I was pregnant again and was terrified of getting pre-e again - I can't stand the thought of possibly having lost Ben and of possibly losing a baby or of how much life-threatening danger I was in myself. I know we have totally different situations and it's not really a comparison, but that's my inch of what I'm sure feels like miles of your worries.
I am here for you everyday you do become pregnant again to chat you up and help you stay positive. That's what friends do. I know you will do the same for me my 2nd time around.
I love you so so much.
Ali, I can't begin to imagine all of the feelings you must be having. I admire your strength and courage. I know whatever God has planned for you will be SO wonderful in the end! Call anytime you need anything. We still need to have our girl night while the boys are having their boy night. Next week??? LOVE YOU!
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