I was in the hospital all day yesterday. Not fun.
Today I spent the day sleeping.....I am tired, physically and emotionally. Sorry to those of you who call...........I just don't feel like talking right now.....sorry.
It's back to work tomorrow. Life goes on.
I am sure once things are back to normal for me I will blog more.....until then!
My Family
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
It Sucks
I have not been looking forward to writing you this......but I don't have good news from today.
Luke and I went into the doctor this morning and had our ultrasound. There was no heart beat. The baby has not grown since the last time I was there. We lost the baby.
Like my dear friend Natalie said, "that wasn't supposed to happen...Everything was supposed to be Ok or you have more testing!" That is exactly how I feel......We were supposed to have a baby this time, I felt like this was "The Real Deal". Obviously God had different plans for us. All I can know is that we have been praying for a healthy baby, if this is God's way of protecting us from something other than a healthy baby, I can learn to accept that. It is hard right now, and we are sad, and definitely in shock still.
All I can say right now is, "it sucks!" That sums it up for now. We will make it through, but it sucks.
Luke and I went into the doctor this morning and had our ultrasound. There was no heart beat. The baby has not grown since the last time I was there. We lost the baby.
Like my dear friend Natalie said, "that wasn't supposed to happen...Everything was supposed to be Ok or you have more testing!" That is exactly how I feel......We were supposed to have a baby this time, I felt like this was "The Real Deal". Obviously God had different plans for us. All I can know is that we have been praying for a healthy baby, if this is God's way of protecting us from something other than a healthy baby, I can learn to accept that. It is hard right now, and we are sad, and definitely in shock still.
All I can say right now is, "it sucks!" That sums it up for now. We will make it through, but it sucks.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Monday, September 22, 2008
For Jill
I received an email today from Jill (my sista's BFF) that I need to update my blog so she has something to do.
I have sat down at my computer numerous times trying to write. I think I have about 4 drafts that I haven't completed. Why? Because right now it is hard. Until I know either everything is ok, or not ok, I feel like I have so much to say and yet nothing to say at all.
It is hard to talk about being excited about thing like, the little onesie that Ana bought us that says, "Does my butt look big in this diaper?" or the crazy dreams I have about Luke and I having our kid, but it was actually a doll sewn out of different pieces of cloth and then he lost it, or the fact that I can't eat anything anymore without feeling sick afterwards, and the fact that I want to be so excited right now, but just don't want to talk about anything because what if it is all taken away so quickly like last time. That is my fear. Deep down in my heart of hearts I feel like everything will be ok, but there is still that fear from last time as well that just isn't sure it will all be ok.
I am not trying to be all depressed about it, because I am not. That is just honestly how I feel. So until after Wed. that is all. Please keep us in your prayers!
Thanks.
I have sat down at my computer numerous times trying to write. I think I have about 4 drafts that I haven't completed. Why? Because right now it is hard. Until I know either everything is ok, or not ok, I feel like I have so much to say and yet nothing to say at all.
It is hard to talk about being excited about thing like, the little onesie that Ana bought us that says, "Does my butt look big in this diaper?" or the crazy dreams I have about Luke and I having our kid, but it was actually a doll sewn out of different pieces of cloth and then he lost it, or the fact that I can't eat anything anymore without feeling sick afterwards, and the fact that I want to be so excited right now, but just don't want to talk about anything because what if it is all taken away so quickly like last time. That is my fear. Deep down in my heart of hearts I feel like everything will be ok, but there is still that fear from last time as well that just isn't sure it will all be ok.
I am not trying to be all depressed about it, because I am not. That is just honestly how I feel. So until after Wed. that is all. Please keep us in your prayers!
Thanks.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
1 Hour and 17 Minutes
Some people probably thought I was crazy to strap on a pair of Rollerblades while pregnant. Myself, I had no worries. I finished 13.2 miles so fast that no one saw me cross the finish line. My family that is. They were expecting me to come in around 8:15am or so and I rolled in at 8:04am. There were enjoying a nice hot breakfast while I had worked my butt off rollerblading! I guess I will just have to Rollerblade again next year!
After the race we headed to Hell's Kitchen for lunch, and then I slept most of the afternoon. I had been up that morning at about 4:45am and hadn't slept well the night before, so it was much needed rest. The rest of the weekend was good, but rainy.
I had my first craving on Sunday night. I wanted a fruit roll-up SO bad that I drove to the grocery store and bought Gushers and Fruit Roll-ups, I felt like a little kid. I was so excited I ripped open the pack of Gushers when I got in the car and was in heaven eating them on my way home!
I read on the Babycenter.com that mood swings are very common right now and they spike between 6-10 weeks. I find myself happy one minute and crying the next. This morning on my way to work a Carrie Underwood song came on the radio and there I am stuck in traffic with huge tears rolling down my cheeks, I finally switched the station and thought about how ridiculous I probably looked! Hopefully this emotional being that I have turned into will go away later, but I am hearing that probably isn't too likely.
One week from tomorrow I have my next ultrasound. It has been hard waiting and waiting, but there isn't anything I can do other than pray. Part of me feels like everything will be OK, but there is a part that still is not certain, because of last time. So all I can do is give my worries to God and pray that if there is something a matter, he heals my little bean.
After the race we headed to Hell's Kitchen for lunch, and then I slept most of the afternoon. I had been up that morning at about 4:45am and hadn't slept well the night before, so it was much needed rest. The rest of the weekend was good, but rainy.
I had my first craving on Sunday night. I wanted a fruit roll-up SO bad that I drove to the grocery store and bought Gushers and Fruit Roll-ups, I felt like a little kid. I was so excited I ripped open the pack of Gushers when I got in the car and was in heaven eating them on my way home!
I read on the Babycenter.com that mood swings are very common right now and they spike between 6-10 weeks. I find myself happy one minute and crying the next. This morning on my way to work a Carrie Underwood song came on the radio and there I am stuck in traffic with huge tears rolling down my cheeks, I finally switched the station and thought about how ridiculous I probably looked! Hopefully this emotional being that I have turned into will go away later, but I am hearing that probably isn't too likely.
One week from tomorrow I have my next ultrasound. It has been hard waiting and waiting, but there isn't anything I can do other than pray. Part of me feels like everything will be OK, but there is a part that still is not certain, because of last time. So all I can do is give my worries to God and pray that if there is something a matter, he heals my little bean.
Friday, September 12, 2008
Race for Sanity
I am calling my rollerblade race tomorrow morning my, "race for sanity". I am very excited for the weekend with my family and am looking forward to have something to keep my mind occupied tomorrow.
I hope everyone has a fabulous weekend......Luke and I appreciate all your prayers for the baby!
I hope everyone has a fabulous weekend......Luke and I appreciate all your prayers for the baby!
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Please Pray
This isn't the way I would like to tell most of you. However, due to the circumstances and it being emotional for me, this is just easier.
I had an ultrasound yesterday morning. I was told by the technician that everything looked good. The heart rate of the baby was at 163 and it is growing at the rate it should. I walked out of the door happy and on with my day.
At about 1:30pm yesterday my doctor called. She let me know that the Ultrasound Tech noticed a cyst on the babies spine at the base of the neck. Now because I am high risk, these are the sort of things they are checking for in regards to Neural Tube defects. My doctor stated that this very well could be something and it could be nothing. The chances of another neural tube defect in my baby is only 1%. My doctor also stated that this is something they have seen in the past, were there is a fluid build up on the baby as it is developing and then it will go away.
So answers........I will hopefully have some in 2 weeks when I go in for another ultrasound. They want to give the baby more time to grow and develop so they can see if there really is something a matter. You can imagine how I took the news yesterday, I was pretty shaken up. I left work right away and went home and my mom came over. It is just such a scary thing because of what happened last time.
If there is something a matter, I will then be sent to the Perinatalogist and have a level 2 ultrasound and go from there.
If you have any questions, please feel like you can ask me. The one thing I do ask of you is that you pray for this little baby! Pray that when I have my ultrasound in 2 weeks that they will not find anything or that if there is something a matter with the baby, God will heal the baby. I just want a healthy baby!
I am back at work today and trying not to think about it. I am just praying like crazy that I have a healthy baby. I will keep everyone posted on when my ultrasound is and what happens from there. Thank you for your prayers, Luke and I appreciate it.
I had an ultrasound yesterday morning. I was told by the technician that everything looked good. The heart rate of the baby was at 163 and it is growing at the rate it should. I walked out of the door happy and on with my day.
At about 1:30pm yesterday my doctor called. She let me know that the Ultrasound Tech noticed a cyst on the babies spine at the base of the neck. Now because I am high risk, these are the sort of things they are checking for in regards to Neural Tube defects. My doctor stated that this very well could be something and it could be nothing. The chances of another neural tube defect in my baby is only 1%. My doctor also stated that this is something they have seen in the past, were there is a fluid build up on the baby as it is developing and then it will go away.
So answers........I will hopefully have some in 2 weeks when I go in for another ultrasound. They want to give the baby more time to grow and develop so they can see if there really is something a matter. You can imagine how I took the news yesterday, I was pretty shaken up. I left work right away and went home and my mom came over. It is just such a scary thing because of what happened last time.
If there is something a matter, I will then be sent to the Perinatalogist and have a level 2 ultrasound and go from there.
If you have any questions, please feel like you can ask me. The one thing I do ask of you is that you pray for this little baby! Pray that when I have my ultrasound in 2 weeks that they will not find anything or that if there is something a matter with the baby, God will heal the baby. I just want a healthy baby!
I am back at work today and trying not to think about it. I am just praying like crazy that I have a healthy baby. I will keep everyone posted on when my ultrasound is and what happens from there. Thank you for your prayers, Luke and I appreciate it.
Friday, September 5, 2008
Happy 1/2 Birthday to Me!
Today is my 1/2 Birthday. I don't really care for my birthday so much, so my mom told me that I should start celebrating my 1/2 Birthday. So, today it is! YEA! Happy 1/2 Birthday to me!!!!! My celebration will be getting together with my neighbor tonight to scrapbook! So fun, I know!
I have a pretty busy weekend planned because I get to see Bethany and Brian!!!!!!! HOORAY!!!!!!!!! I am SO excited. I talked to Bethany last night on the phone and had the hugest grin on my face the whole time. I can't wait to actually see her face!
Tomorrow morning I am going rollerblading, then heading to trap shoot w/ my dad, then I get to see BETHANY!!!! It will be a busy weekend, but a great one. Hopefully I will have pictures to post on Monday :)
Before I say goodbye for the weekend, I have to tell you about my traumatic afternoon yesterday. I had a freak out session at the end of the day. I had this really sharp pain on my right side in my "innards" as I say. It was really scary and it lasted for about a minute. (I know, so long!) It happened when I went to get up. I felt nauseous and dizzy after that. I thought I had better call my doctor just to make sure that everything is ok. I was sitting at my desk crying. So my OB told me that it probably was, "your uterus making room for the fetus". That made me laugh! So I drove home emotionally drained after being scared and freaking out. I decided that I deserved Rancho Grande for dinner, so I picked up some tacos and ate my dinner in peace. I headed again to my favorite scrapbook spot to get the good deals and went home to watch McCain's speech.
With all of that said, I hope everyone has a fabulous weekend and enjoy the cool weather!
I have a pretty busy weekend planned because I get to see Bethany and Brian!!!!!!! HOORAY!!!!!!!!! I am SO excited. I talked to Bethany last night on the phone and had the hugest grin on my face the whole time. I can't wait to actually see her face!
Tomorrow morning I am going rollerblading, then heading to trap shoot w/ my dad, then I get to see BETHANY!!!! It will be a busy weekend, but a great one. Hopefully I will have pictures to post on Monday :)
Before I say goodbye for the weekend, I have to tell you about my traumatic afternoon yesterday. I had a freak out session at the end of the day. I had this really sharp pain on my right side in my "innards" as I say. It was really scary and it lasted for about a minute. (I know, so long!) It happened when I went to get up. I felt nauseous and dizzy after that. I thought I had better call my doctor just to make sure that everything is ok. I was sitting at my desk crying. So my OB told me that it probably was, "your uterus making room for the fetus". That made me laugh! So I drove home emotionally drained after being scared and freaking out. I decided that I deserved Rancho Grande for dinner, so I picked up some tacos and ate my dinner in peace. I headed again to my favorite scrapbook spot to get the good deals and went home to watch McCain's speech.
With all of that said, I hope everyone has a fabulous weekend and enjoy the cool weather!
Thursday, September 4, 2008
I am OBSESSED!
I have 2 new obsessions, the first called scrapbooking. I have scrapbooked SO much in the past week. I am still WAY behind, but I am at least catching up. I scrapbooked last night and am going to again tonight! I LOVE SCRAPBOOKING!
My 2nd obsession is the cool weather. It seriously energizes me! It makes me excited for our trip to Duluth and makes me want to sit out on my deck and drink coffee. Well my 1/2 a cup of coffee that I allow myself.
So Sari, I changed my background page for you since you thought the other one looked old. I like this one because it looks like a scrapbook page :)
My Best Friendy is home in MN today! YEA!!!!!!!!!! I haven't talked to her yet, but hopefully will today!
My 2nd obsession is the cool weather. It seriously energizes me! It makes me excited for our trip to Duluth and makes me want to sit out on my deck and drink coffee. Well my 1/2 a cup of coffee that I allow myself.
So Sari, I changed my background page for you since you thought the other one looked old. I like this one because it looks like a scrapbook page :)
My Best Friendy is home in MN today! YEA!!!!!!!!!! I haven't talked to her yet, but hopefully will today!
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Again?
So my doctor gave me a new due date........again.......April 18th. But I measured with a due date of April 22nd.......So who the heck knows, I guess my due date is between those days. Either way, I am 7 weeks pregnant! Yea! I know it isn't that far along. But I feel like I am truckin' along. I have been feeling really well. The normal pregnancy symptoms of being super hungry where I'd better eat right away or else I feel sick....So tired at about 3pm that I could fall asleep sitting at my desk! Other than that I am feeling good.
My mom started a new job at the Robbinsdale Women's Center. My friend Angie in my neighborhood who is preggers and I are going to go there on Friday the 19th of Sept. to help give a demonstration to High School kids. They will be doing ultrasounds on us! Yea! I can't wait to see the little bean again! :)
Bethany and Kurbis come home today. I am not sure what time, but I am hoping to at least hear their voices soon! Hooray!
PS - Like my new background :)
My mom started a new job at the Robbinsdale Women's Center. My friend Angie in my neighborhood who is preggers and I are going to go there on Friday the 19th of Sept. to help give a demonstration to High School kids. They will be doing ultrasounds on us! Yea! I can't wait to see the little bean again! :)
Bethany and Kurbis come home today. I am not sure what time, but I am hoping to at least hear their voices soon! Hooray!
PS - Like my new background :)
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