Way Too Long

I know, I know, it has been WAY too long since I have blogged. The thing is, I am not sure I want to share with everyone what I have been thinking and feeling lately.

This thing seems to be every one's link to my mind and lately I am not so sure how I feel about that. I have never in my life wanted to be pregnant as I do now. Even when I was pregnant, I never had these feelings of really wanting the life that would be ahead of me. Now, it isn't that I want a baby, it is that I want Luke and I to start a family. I want the first trip to Big Birch Lake, and the first smile and the stroller ride. Yeah, it may sound cheesy to some of you, but the time has come in my life where I desire more for Luke and I.

It is amazing how in the past year to look back on the trials that we have faced, losing jobs, starting new jobs, losing a baby, financial struggles, family members being ill. I praise the Lord that these things brought us together rather than tore us apart. There was a point about a year ago when I wasn't sure of anything. It makes me so happy to be sure of what I want in life and what I want for Luke and I. Now I just have to see what God's plan for us is.

So yeah yeah, there I went again getting all deep on you and mushy gushy, sorry!

Here is an update on what has been going on in the past week or so!

2 weekends ago: Luke had a golf tournament, I had scrapbooking, was very fun, got all of 2 pages done! Woo Hoo! I am learning to "Embelish" quite well! I went up to my cabin on Sat. morning and came home Sunday while Luke golfed Saturday, had guys over Sat. night and burned a hole in our driveway from a bonfire...drunk boys......what can ya do!

Last weekend we spent Friday and Saturday w/ my sister and Ryan. We went and saw Dark Night......Highly recommend it to anyone that has not seen it yet! Then on Saturday we went floating down a river just about 10 minutes past St. Cloud. We had SO much fun and then Sar and Ryan spent the night. We finished the night watching D3, Luke was SO excited :) (D3 = Mighty Ducks 3 the movie for those of you who don't know! :) )

Now to this week. I can't believe that tomorrow is already Thursday. I can't even explain how fast the past 3 weeks have flown by for me! Last night Luke was up north w/ his boss in Duluth, they spent the night on his boss's boat on Lake Superior. SO........I had a sleepover! I seriously haven't had once since right before Bethany left. So Suzy, my dear friend from work came over. We went shopping at the Outlet Mall, Dinner at Majors, Malibu & Pineapple drinks and then I got to see the whole new collection of Lia Sophia Jewels! They are SO GREAT...(my plug.....www.liasophia.com/alipeterson, click on OUR JEWELRY) and then we watched a movie.
It was super fun and now tomorrow night I am having dinner w/ my fam before my parents leave for Peru on a missions trip. This weekend we are heading up to our cabin. I can't wait!

So that is my update about what has been going on in my head, in my heart and "My life as it is!"

A Tribute to my Sister

For those of you who know me, my family has always been very important to me. Growing up my sister and I didn't always get along the best. I played the big sister role and bossed Sari around, would trick her into doing things for me , I always had to be the teacher when we played school and I would load the homework on her, I would try and blame everything on her. I even knocked the wind out of her once when we were jumping on a trampoline together. I don't think we have been on a trampoline together since! But through all the kicking, screaming, scratching and pulling hair, somewhere years later we have become great friends, best friends I would say! I am thankful of the friendship that my sister and I have and I wouldn't trade it for anything......so here's to you Sar, I love ya!

Auntie Ali

Last Thursday night Jessie came over with 7 week old Ben Rowles. He is a doll! I got to be "Auntie Ali" that night! We made dinner and Ben slept in his carrier. Then we ventured on for a walk. Jessie walked my babies and I got to push Ben in the stroller. It was so great to have them around for an evening. I love being "Auntie Ali"!

I left work right at 4pm on Friday so that we could get out of town by 6pm or so and head up to the lake. The storm coming from St. Cloud had another plan for us. At about 7pm I gathered myself and my dogs downstairs and sat scared out of my mind as I watched the trees and tall grass blow like crazy behind our house. Thankfully the storm came and went without any damage for once to our house. Actually, I take that back, when I got home from work I was so lucky as to pick up another piece of the shakes that are on the front of the house that had fallen down.
We left at about 8:30pm and got to the cabin just behind my parents. The six of us played the game Cranium and then headed off to bed. We woke up Saturday morning to a very windy day on Big Birch Lake, but that didn't spoil our fun! We went on a lunch pontoon cruz only to get stuck in the largest waves I have seen on our lake. We were going along all nice and then out of no where a huge wave came towering over the front of the pontoon and the boat started going down into the lake. Everyone up front ran to the back and the front came up out of the water. It was pretty humorous! Then on Sunday, Luke and Ryan took the wave runner out. A little while went by and we see a pontoon coming towards the cabin, then we see Ryan and Luke on the wave runner being pulled by the Pontoon, oh the joy of having things break down! :) Thankfully it is nothing major, just in need of a new battery. We arrived home last night around 8pm and sat outside on our deck. I feel so blessed to have such a beautiful home and have the wildlife behind us, it is so peaceful. We sat there last night sipping our Bailey's on the rocks, nothing could be better, well except maybe having Bethany and Kurbis with us! :)

So the last week was great, I am so proud to be Auntie Ali to little "Benny Boy" as I call him and can't wait to squeeze that little guy again! Jessie, need a babysitter?

I can't Resist

I am a total sucker when it comes to the final rose ceremony on the Bachelor and Bachelorette. Last night was SO cute as Jesse proposed to Deanna and she picked him. He is a Pro Snowboarder and I was so glad she picked him rather than Jason, the guy who had life all figured out already. They are SO cute together and "soul mates", ahhh how sweet.

It is kind of weird to think that two people can meet on a TV show and fall in love, but I guess it is possible....

Thursday Night:

Dinner @ the Double "R"; Washer Toss game; Ali attempting to make a bonfire w/ wet wood; Lighting off smoke bombs and throwing them in the lake; playing Yahtzee w/ my dad and losing to him both times; dogs waking me up at 5am!



Friday: Day on the lake; pontoon cruises; being in the boat parade for about 2 minutes; taking the fishing boat out on the lake w/ 4 dogs (my parents 2 golden retrievers and my 2)...the motor dying on me, Hogan jumping in the water and Ali having to paddle herself and 4 dogs back to the cabin; being eaten by mosquito's; going out on the pontoon to watch fireworks all around us; grandparents waking up in the middle of the night not knowing where they were at.



Saturday: Windy day at Big Birch Lake; Jill coming up to the cabin, she brought my Papa too; going on a geriatrics lunch boat cruise; lounging at a sand bar; going to "Earls" bar for the first time.



Sunday: Gorgeous day at BBL; spending the day at the Sand Bar and being in the lake; took all 5 dogs on a boat ride on the speed boat, it did NOT die on me; lounging all day; dinner at the Double "R"; a car ride home where I tried to stay awake bust just couldn't!



Monday thus Far: Ali trying to get up in the am, not happening. She slept through any alarm that was sent, oh wait, it was set for PM! Therefore this made her arrive to work at 10:30AM!

Can't wait for the weekend!

Have you ever had one of those days where you just feel like you can take on anyone? For some reason this morning I was very AWAKE! For those of you who know me, I am NOT a morning person. My favorite thing to do is sleep in. I could sleep until 2pm for all I care!


So today as I popped out of bed and came to work. However after a morning of being awake and seriously getting everything done that I could, it is now just after 1pm and I really don't have a lot to work on. Ugh! So here I am sitting at my desk, pondering what I can do. I decided that I really wish that there were books to read online. Because if that were the case I would open up a Nora Roberts book online and start reading. Too bad I can't be sitting on my deck right now in the sunshine.

This weekend Luke and are heading to the cabin. We are hoping to be on the road tomorrow by 4pm. I think that I will be leaving at 2pm from work and I am sure it will take me a good hour to get home due to the holiday traffic. This weekend will hopefully include, sunshine, the lake, pontoon rides, bonfires, golf and of course some beers too! :)

If I don't talk to you before I leave I wish everyone a fabulous 4th of July!
**GOD BLESS AMERICA**

Finally, it is Friday. I really don't have a whole lot planned for the weekend, but I hope it is nice so that I can be outside. Tonight would be a great night to have a bonfire, or to go swimming....Rebecca, should I come swim in your pool!

It is 2pm right now and I can't WAIT to go home.........Thank Goodness it is FRIDAY!

SO FRUSTRATING

When you go to Motherhood Maternity for the first time they sign you up to receive emails, info. in the mail and about anything that can get you to buy something for a baby. I have been trying for MONTHS to unsubscribe myself to all of these emails that I seriously receive daily!

Yesterday was the kicker when I received an email that said, "Your baby is 11 months old!" Ummm...NO IT IS NOT! MY BABY DIED!!!! I feel like I should start trying to send letters to these companies and complain. Enfamil is the worst, I have received 4 8 oz. cans of formula in the mail and brochures probably every week.

I am past the "sad and depressed" stage and finally ok with everything. But I really don't' need constant reminders that I would have an 11 month old baby right now!!

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

BAD DREAM!

Last night I had a HORRIBLE dream. I dreamt that Bethany and Kurbis were pregnant and that they would not tell Luke and I! They came back from Africa to visit and were being very distant from us. All I can really remember is that from my dream and crying constantly!

So I felt very emotionally drained when I woke up this morning. I think I dreamt about them being pregnant because my neighbor is and I probably dreamt about Bethany and Kurbis because I have been thinking about them and missing them lately.

I am contemplating getting a 3rd job. 1. being Executive Title , 2. being Lia Sophia and 3. maybe working as a cashier at Coborn's! Yeah, I know it is not the most glamorous job, but a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do. I need some extra change and it is not going to appear out of thin air!

I can't wait for the 4th of July weekend. We will be up at the cabin with my family. I can't wait to relax in the sun and be on the lake. It should be a good time.

Hope everyone is doing well.

My life as it is....For Real!

I have been debating on whether or not to post this blog. The title of my blog is, "My life as it is..." but sometimes I don't divulge on my life exactly how it really is. At times, it is too hard to truly share the emotions that run through my mind and that consume my day at times.

Last Saturday, the day of the wedding I thought I was getting the dreaded "PERIOD!"

Little did I know that is NOT what it was. Well I am 90% sure that is Not what it was. I am pretty sure that I had a miscarriage after some events that took place on Sunday. We were not trying, but not being very careful either for a couple of months. After that happened last week, it just shook my world. I was NOT myself at all the whole week. I was SO extremely exhausted and depressed. I barely could pull myself out of bed in the morning. One morning I even went as far as not going into work until noon because I was so exhausted, felt like crap and depressed. I pulled myself into work with a horrible head ache and just wanted to cry.

I am not sharing this piece of information with you so that you feel bad for me or tell me you are sorry. The reason I share this is because I like people to know what is really going on in my life. I like to be real with my friends. For those of you who know me I usually divulge too much information!

So not only did I have that happen to me last week, but Luke and I finally realized the pain after a year of losing about $20,000 income from changing jobs. We are on a strict budget and cannot extend ourselves by purchasing anything unnecessary. We are not allowed to go out to eat, by lunches, buy coffee(which will be torture for me), buy anything extra or not needed. I am going to try and keep us on this budget for 6 months. I will probably be cancelling our home phone service as well. The thing that is killing us right now is gas and groceries. For example, Luke and I figured out that we spend almost $1000 a month on gas between the 2 of us! That is just ridiculous. But you have to do what you have to do to get to your job. Also, groceries seem to be going up weekly I fell like, OK, maybe just dog food. A 20 lb. bag of dog food used to cost me just over $15, last week when I went to pick up a 20lb. bag of Iams, it cost me $19.99....and I don't even think we have seen the full affect of gas prices yet on the things we consume! What this also means to me is that we will not be able to start trying for kids when I thought we were going to. Luke and I do need to be smart about it and be financially stable before we bring a child into the picture. Yes, I know that a lot of people aren't expecting babies and make it work some how, but if I can work at getting my financial situation more under control before kids, that is what I want to try to do. So sorry Sari, I may be preggers when you get married....j/k!

Luke and I had storm damage from the storm that came through on Memorial Day weekend...hail damage. Well on Saturday night we came home from getting caught at Friendly Days in the storm to all the shakes ripped off the front of our house lying in our neighbors yard.....one more head ache! Thank goodness for insurance!

Last but not least to add to my frustration, anxiety and depression, I had gone into the doctor in regards to a lumpy area in my breast. She then sent me on to a Breast surgeon. So you can imagine the thoughts going through a woman's mind when she doesn't know what the heck is going on! I was thankful to find out that I am at a low risk for breast cancer. The sore spot in my breast is probably from the hormonal changes my body went through from being pregnant, delivery and then being on birth control. I was educated be the surgeon, she told me that the longer you menstruate in your life, the more at risk you are for breast cancer. Exercising 3 times a week for at least 30 minutes decreases your chance for breast cancer, so anything over that is a bonus! Also, if you drink more than 20 glasses of alcohol a week it increases your chance for breast cancer.


With all that said, a lot has happened in the last week and a lot that makes my mind go crazy! I am thankful to know that I have a loving God who is with me and protects me. And I am thankful for a loving husband who is there for me and understands me, well some of the time understands me.....you know.......we all have our crazy moments :)

So rather than a sorry, just say a little prayer for Luke and I that God will keep our spirits up and guide us through some difficult times.

As for today...........it is a great day! I got up, put on a cute dress to wear to work and was ready for the day ahead of me. As my Papa says, "One day at a time!"