The past few nights have been very hard for me. It could be the fact that I haven't had a lot of sleep, but I have realized that I don't have time during the day anymore (since I am working) to think about life and everything that I have gone through like I did before.
Because of not having that time I find that when I lay down at night, I start thinking and then the tears come. Last night it was the fact that I read Steph's blog to read all the things that she found so amazing and never knew would happen when she would have a baby. It made me sad to know that I won't have that with Brian Lucas. I already spent as much time with him here on earth that I would. Don't get me wrong, I am so happy for Steph and Brandt. But because she is such a good friend, and we were supposed to be going through all of this together, it makes me sad. I haven't seen Addison yet...but I can't wait to meet her. I look at her pictures and see how beautiful she is, I only can think that her and Brian Lucas would have been such good little friends...then come the tears on my pillow.
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