Not fun....

Last night was just horrible! I was so upset about yesterday and totally took it out on my husband.

As I walked into the doctors office yesterday my heart started pounding. The ultrasound person took me into the room and introduced herself and said to me, " Have you ever had an ultrasound before?" She was the same person that did the ultrasound of little Brian, hello idiot! You were the one who told me my baby would die!!!!! That is what I wanted to say, but instead, I replied, "yes."

As I was lying there on the table all the memories were flooding back. She showed me that everything was ok. The worst part was she wanted to listen to the blood flow through my ovaries. It sounded kind of what it sounds like when you listen to your babies heart beat. It seriously was like a slap in the face.

Anyways so I struggled through the whole day at work yesterday and then exploded when Luke got home. I was so upset and didn't know how to communicate to him that I needed him. So instead I was mad at him and yelling and crying....it wasn't a very good night.

I realized that I really want a baby, but even if I was pregnant right now it would be hard because it wouldn't be little Brian Lucas. I work myself up into a tizzy! Then after I work myself up I realize how crazy I am!

Today is a new day and I am hoping it will be better....let's hope so.